TALKING TO A LOVED ONE ABOUT GETTING HELP
Building up the courage to talk with your loved one about getting help can be difficult for all involved. We’re going to give you some do’s and don’ts when it comes to talking about help. The best time to talk to said person is when he is clear headed. And don’t worry about saying things perfectly. Expressing your concern in a caring and honest way is the most important message you can convey.
WAYS TO START THE CONVERSATION
I wanted to check in with you because you haven’t seemed yourself lately.
I’ve noticed you’ve been using [insert drug name], and I’m worried about you.
I’ve noticed you’ve been acting differently lately, and I’m wondering how you’re doing.
DO’S
Be supportive – No matter how “bad” your friend’s behavior has been lately, he is not a bad person. Addiction is a disease, and it’s been recognized as such by the American Medical Association since 1956.
Make sure you’re specific about what you’re seeing – Bring up particular incidents such as, “When you canceled our plans the other day”.
Encourage – Talk about the effect your friend’s drinking or drug use has on whatever he or she cares about most: career, children, sports, etc.
Prepare for the good or bad – Your friend could respond in any number of ways, good or bad. The main thing is to listen, stick to the facts, show a caring attitude and offer your assistance and support.
DON’TS
Threaten – Don’t make claims to try to “scare someone straight.
Guilt-trip – Avoid making statements that place blame on the person you’re concerned about, such as: “You’re ruining your life.”
Enable – Never aid your loved ones in consuming the substance to which they’re addicted.
Blame yourself- You can’t cure someone else’s addiction. Even if you could, it isn’t your responsibility.
Addiction is a confusing disease. Contrary to a popular myth, your loved one doesn’t have to drink alcohol or use drugs every day to be addicted. People in active addiction can have good jobs, homes and bank accounts, and they can be good spouses, parents or friends. Talking to a loved one about getting help will determine how close you are. But one thing is the same across the board. Listen, be supportive, and try using phrases such as, “I am here for you, and I want to help you in any way that I can”.
Last but not least, take care of yourself. Living day in and day out with an addict can be difficult, heartbreaking and mentally exhausting. Make sure you have someone to talk with, eat right, exercise and make sure you’re getting good quality sleep. Try finding support, answers and resources through Al-Anon. If your loved one is ready to accept treatment and take responsibility, The Blake House is ready to support him.